-my thoughts-

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There is only one person whose opinion I obey and whom I dare not displease because he is with me all the time... I call him my conscience.
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If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; if I can ease one life the aching or cool one pain, or help one fainting robin unto its nest again, I shall not live in vain.
♥♥♥

Give me a piece of ground

God, give me a piece of ground to plant a seed in it and see it grow before I die.

God, only a patch of ground to give my dreams reality while I try.

And grant me that plot of ground when end draws nigh to lay my head on when I die.

♥♥♥
Afternoon on a Hill

I will be the gladdest thing under the sun!

I will touch a hundred flowers and not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds with quiet eyes, watch the wind bow down the grass, and the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show up from the town,

I will mark which must be mine, and then start down.
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i feel this pain of letting go

I FEEL THIS PAIN OF LETTING GO.

( way back 3yrs ago... )

The hardest thing in life is letting go. Even though, it hurts so much, like each time a tear flows down your cheek is like scorching wound that drips from your eyes, you still want that person you love, even if he is slowly killing you.

The worst thing after a tragic break up is that you want to prove to yourself that you hate him, but in reality deep in your heart, you love him and can’t love another like you gave him. The disappointing thing is when you try to move on and you thought you did, but the results don’t pay off with the best that you gave. And you realize, that you’re still bothered, you’re still attached, you’re still thinking of him... damn! I hate realizations... it sucks the strength left in you. It makes you crawl deep into your skin and left nothing but self-pity. You breakdown, you cry silently, breathe deeply and make sure no one sees your frustrations. You hide in your room helpless. You try to lock your doors and wipe all those tears, but still in your heart bleeds and no matter how you coach yourself to stop crying, the pain won’t go away.

Denial comes in; you say to your friends, “it’s nothing! Let him move on. Give him his chance to be with somebody else” or you try mocking him with his mistakes again. But even a millionth time you said things like that, you still wish that it’ll be him who will hold you forever, comfort you and be the girl he’ll make her happy and be in love with. Even with his shortcomings, still you patch up and imagine of making up again. You reminisce again how you took care of him, and how you took everything so easy, and remembered how you sacrifice other things just to be with him, because you loved him more than anything in this world, and you just wanted him to be happy and be pleased with you.

You try to recall what you did wrong, but just couldn’t find any reason. You gave everything but didn’t receive anything. You were fooled again and again... but you reason out that things will work out! Because you can never imagine your life without him!

You made him your world. Your time was only he and he was your priority. You try bringing out the best in him, but he just won’t play his part. You tried everything, but still nothing.

Many people said, “He’s not good for you, just a waste of time!” but your heart becomes deaf and still fights for the love you feel for him. And you try to let go, and risk your life in healing, that seems nothing can make the pain go away. Your heart fails and aches, and breaks into million pieces... and you cry one more time. You pick each piece to make it whole, and the broken stings and you bleed again. You cry and break down again... and again... and again.

And you came out, smiling and grinning. But your eyes are the windows of your soul, and the soul is shattered, your eyes shows the sadness then weakness unfolds once again. This seems unending... so I have to cry once again... ‘till my heart forgets the pain and misery of thought to be forever love.

live.life.love

 
     Life, everyone goes through it, not knowing what our purpose is. Some says it’s not fair.  There are those who have too much, while others have nothing at all. Everyone goes through hardships and failures, yet there’s still this invisible driving factor willing us to keep on moving.

Falling in love. Getting over heartache. Enjoying singlehood. Falling in love again. Establishing friendships. Knowing you have a best friend you can call on at three in the morning. Meeting a long lost friend and studying hard for a quiz and acing it. Going to bed with the pitter-patter of rain singing you a lullaby. Waking up in the middle of the morning and realizing you still have few hours of sleep left. Cuddling up with a good book. Turning on the radio and realizing your favourite song is on. There is a feeling of sand between your toes, the sun on your face, and the sound of waves crashing against the shore. Knowing you have a God who loves you no matter what.

The list goes on and on. Life is simple. When you ask for apples and life throws you lemons, don’t fret! Life isn’t always a box of chocolates, but it isn’t always a bushel of thorns, either. Depressed over being single? You don’t really need someone else to complete your life, now do you? Sure, it takes two to tango, but who dances the tango anymore, anyways? It’s just a matter of seeing things in perspective and having faith. God will not give us problem we cannot handle. Life isn’t perfect. We do not even know what we are here for. Maybe in them we can find our purpose.

 

the drama of daily life

The drama of daily life

Daily life often seems to be made up of toil: lessons to be studied and chores to be done. Life seems to be a monotonous round of doing the same thing, going to the same places, seeing the same people, and even saying the same things! Saturdays and Sundays should be cause for rejoicing, but even then, there are Saturday chores and Sunday activities that come around every weekend. It almost seems as though each morning sees the same tasks ended at almost the same moment.

The drama of daily life consists of the little events that make you rejoice or grieve. An occurrence as simple as hanging a picture on the wall can be dramatic when told about by a fine storyteller.

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--say something--

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although sometimes i'm a loner.,

still i know how to enjoy my life.,

like hanging out with friends after classes,

drinking alcoholic drinks and get drunk!

cutting classes, and get busy with some other stuff

and forget 'bout studying for exams and etc..

its a teenage thing! i guess.

and i found it so FUN despite of knowing that it can affect my

studies..but its ok., cause i've learned lots of things

and i'm being aware of it.
( dati ganun ako, pero nag bago na :) )

i signatured myself as

"ANGEL XOO DARK"
or
"ANGEL SO DARK"

cause i feel like i have two souls inside me.

the angel side and the devil side.

i'm a sweet, loving, caring and i tried my best to be the most

patient girl that ever existed in this world..

but i cant!!

i easily get pissed off, i easily get bored.. and sometimes i just can't control myself.,

like, i say things to others that hurts their feelings,

and let them think that i don't really care if they're hurt or not,

and the worst thing is, i let them feel that i don't give a damn care to them

like i dont even know them..

but at the end of the day., i am not happy..
knowing that i hurt someone's feeling...
day after that., i say sorry :)
i really have a mood problem :) i knew it.

soo.. that's all :)
it's just me and nothing more :)

Meet Me!! :)

who am i??

start with capital letter "J" for Johannah :)

full name??

Johannah Marie Fornis Loterte <3

-my past life-

you can say I'm so stupid, stubborn and naive.

I've done so much thing in my life that till now I'm regretting.

there are the times that i found myself laying on my bed,crying

 and sometimes i freak out! only wanting to release it out..

I always ask myself.. why all those things happened to me?

why everything turns out wrong when I only wanted is to be HAPPY!!

in a sense that i came from a broken family..

and all i want is to be whole., feel happy and free even just for myself.

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and now...

i can say i'm different., 

 physically,mentally.. but not emotionally.

there's lots of changes happened to me,

but still i feel like i'm stuck with my old self.

still BABY..always wanting my mama to cuddle me up whenever i cry.

but i end up sitting in the corner of my room., 

hugging myself, and cry.. cry.. and cry..

till i have no more tears to fall.

BUT HEY!! CHEER UP!

i realized, i don't want this kind of life.. forever.

i want to change!!

and so i did!

i tried to be happy, friendly, easy going, and open minded.

there! i always cover myself with SMILING.

talking great things.

it's no use, i guess. cause even though i tried all of this.

still nothing.. and i said,"i need to be with myself."

well.. at least when someone hates me for what i am,

the hell i care! WYSWIG!

-what you see is what you get!-

i may be meeting different kinds of people, and make them part of me

or me part of them.. well ,they have me as what i am. with NO MASK!

i'm now enjoying my new life, new home, new family and new friends.!

and hope to find my new love :)
ayee :) haha


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see more for details :)